Between the Lost and the Found

When Giving Isn’t Enough

One thing I’ve always known about myself is that when I give, I give without hesitation.

It’s never a half-hearted effort.
I don’t measure the love I give or the effort I put in.
I show up, fully. I understand, I adjust, I provide, I cherish, through thick and thin.

But is it really about me? and what ‘I’ can do? I think there’s a deeper truth when it comes to love.. whether its in friendships or relationships.

Its never about what we can give, never about how we think love and effort should be given based on our own conditioning.

It’s NOT about loving people the way we know how. It’s about loving them the way they need and want to be loved.

It’s about how willing we are to learn. To learn about the people we love, to understand what matters most to them, and to show up where it actually counts.

And if life were so simple and perfect, maybe this kind of effort would come easier. But it’s not. It takes time, it takes energy and sometimes, what we’re facing ourselves makes it harder to give.

My Role in the cracks

There’s always been an unsettling feeling when I think about the friendships I’ve lost. The ones I thought would last forever, now just acquaintances. Still around for an occasional dinner, but never close enough to notice how some days, even getting out of bed has been a struggle.

I don’t hold anything against them; only good memories. But when I really sit with it, I realize most of those memories are of me going the extra mile.

And even so, I’m glad I did that, because they were people who needed to be loved. But, when I stopped, not because I wanted to, but because my life caught up with me, those connections faded.

Maybe all this sounds like a contradiction. To say I gave without expecting, and still felt a sting when it wasn’t returned. Doesn’t that go against what we’re told.. about selfless love, doing your part, and practicing detachment? But since none of us are perfect, And when you’re running on empty, you do hope someone shows up.

The major takeaway is how I have played a role in all these cracks, because most of the accountability lies within me. It’s pile up of all the things left unsaid. Its about how I have held back, not just out of fear of being judged, but because I was more afraid of being open and still not being understood. So, the silence felt safer than explaining everything and feeling alone anyway.

When I let my thoughts and feelings sit and marinate over time, it drowned within me.

In letting things slide, it felt like I was doing my best. But now I realize that wasn’t really helping anyone, not them and definitely not me. I liked to think I was showing up in the right way… but the truth is, I fell short.

Because it’s never just about saying the right things or doing what looks right. And it’s not about investing in people just so they’ll show up for you later. It’s about showing up as your full, honest self and letting people decide if they want to be part of your life through the highs and the lows.

What stays?

With all the introspection I’ve been doing, it’s not just the flaws I’ve uncovered, I’ve also found clarity. Clarity to see all that I have to be grateful for. Yes, some of my beliefs have shifted at their core, but one thing remains the same: the love you give with genuine intention is never wasted.

So even if I lose… the love stays…exactly where it was meant to be.

And as for the void I’ve tried to fill with hope and expectations…I’ve come to realize that it will never be filled by external factors.

As much as I try to find it out in the world, it will only ever meet me within.

My fixed and rigid plans, my strict timelines, my perfect idea of love, my perception of the perfect person none of it could fill that space. This kind of emptiness needs custom work.

It needs me; working on my purpose, my life, my vision, my goals.

Because you don’t create your best life from scratch with someone else; you create it for yourself.
And then, you build upon it and share it with someone else.

And while this all sounds like now I have a solution… I really don’t.

Because this fast content, this algorithm… just the right quote… just the right motivational video…It makes it all sound so simple. But all it really does is reduce the complexity of what is otherwise a fairly complex life and our being. It’s a flattering kind of nuance we engage in.
But god, does it feel good to scroll, just one hit, just one laugh… just to forget for a moment.

And although the problem is complex and the motivation fake…
The solution could be simple?

It doesn’t have to be extravagant. It could just mean choosing. Choosing to be present in life when it feels like the most difficult thing to do..

Choosing to show up to work fully
Choosing to get out of the house
Choosing to go for that walk
Choosing the right food
Choosing your energy for the day
Choosing to let the thoughts pass through you
Choosing to let it settle and not acting on every single urge
Choosing one day at a time…

It could be as simple as choosing to skip overindulgence. Because as much as I want to convince myself that self-care means giving myself whatever I want…
Real self-care is actually choosing to not feed every impulse.

It’s choosing to pause.
To control the need to have whatever we think we need.

Is Love all we need?

With all the noise around it…the movies, the quotes, the longing…it feels like love is everything.
But I don’t think so. At least, not anymore…and not in the way we’re told.

Because when real life happens…when it’s about health, money, survival; all the worrying about finding love fades into the background. In those moments, there’s no room for poetic longing. Only reality.

But still, isn’t it love that keeps us going?

Love for family.
Love for the ones who worked hard so we could have better.
Love that shows up quietly not the kind we chase, but the kind that holds things together.

So maybe love is at the core of it all. Just not the version wrapped in fantasy.
Because when life gets hard and it will, that kind of love won’t save you.

And here’s the thing: if these are the problems we get to worry about…heartbreak, distance, miscommunication, maybe we’re lucky.
Because out there, people are just trying to survive another day.
And if you’re privileged enough to sit with questions about love, connection, meaning, then that in itself is something to be grateful for.

There is so much we can’t control. So much that’s beyond the reach of our wishes. The world isn’t fair…never was, and never will be.

So maybe the only way to be is to choose happiness in the present…even when there’s no reason to be.

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